


Fools Rush In

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Cynicism, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Past Relationship(s), Pilots, Rule 63
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 15:24:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5631442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the GFFA_prompt_meme collection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Hana Solo swears to herself she will never fall in love again.
> 
> She meets Luke Skywalker about a decade later and that promise becomes impossible keep.

Hana Solo sighed and moved around a bit in her cot on her ship, The Millennium Falcon. She couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she was reminded of Him... of that man, that beautiful man who stole her heart and then proceeded to rip it to shreds.

Every time she closed her eyes, she was reminded of Anakin Skywalker.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUYS WHAT THE FRICK I MEANT TO SAVE THIS AS A D R A F T
> 
> GOD DANG IT
> 
> I WASN'T FINISHED WITH IT
> 
> FRICK YOU @ PAST BURLESQUEEMOBEAR
> 
> oh, well

"Chewbacca," Hana whispered. "Are you awake? I can't sleep."

Chewbacca's sleeping form in the cot next to him remained motionless.

Hana sighed. Well, maybe she'd just go outside and explore for a while. They were parked on a new planet, anyway, so she had to explore it, right?

Hana walked out and gasped. Right outside of the spaceship were two teenagers, a boy and a girl, who were ogling at her as though she was an alien.

"Can I help you?" Hana asked.

"Who are you?" asked the girl.

"Who are you?"

"I- I'm Leia Organa, and this is my brother, Luke."

"Well, Leia Orgasm, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too, Luke."

Luke didn't respond. He only blushed furiously. He mumbled something too quiet for Hana to hear.

"What was that?"

Leia sighed. "He says you're hot."

Luke's mouth dropped open. "I didn't say that!"

Leia laughed and walked away, over to a house a few yards away.

"So," Hana said, "do you really think I'm hot? 'Cause I'm at least ten years older than you, kiddo. But if you swing that way... I mean, I wouldn't object."

Luke groaned. "I-"

"Do you wanna meet my co-pilot? He's a wookie."

Luke mumbled something else.

"You gotta speak up, kid."

"I- I can't go into a stranger's vehicle."

Hana groaned. She grabbed Luke's hand and pulled him inside. The kid was around fifteen, probably, and Hana was only in her early twenties- she'd lost track of the years. It wouldn't be too bad.

Luke stepped inside and gasped. "Wow," he said. "Seventeen years in existence, and I've never seen anything more beautiful than this ship."

Hana did a double take. Seventeen? Dang. "Hey," she said, "I'm twenty-something, so it would only be a little bit illegal if we *potato*ed."

"For real?"

"Yeah."

"Cool."

"So, should we? Are you in?"

Luke shrugged.

"You're in, then?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Hana nodded. "Right," she said, "have you ever done this before?"

Luke rolled his eyes. "No, I'm a seventeen-year-old virgin," he said. "Of course I've done this before."

Hana gasped as Luke tackled her to the ground and began ripping off her pants. Dang. The only man she'd ever felt this way with was Him. 

Luke started *potato*ing her- dang, he moved just like He had. That was weird. 

Hana gasped. She was going to orgasm. She'd only ever gotten off this quickly with Him. Frick. She threw her head back, and before she realized what she was doing, she screamed, "ANAKIN!"

Luke gasped. "What the *potato*?"

"I- oh, God, frick, kid, I didn't mean that-"

Luke shook his head. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," he muttered, nervously pacing back and forth. 

"Hey, calm down, okay? I didn't mean that. Luke- you're Luke fricking Organa, and sure, I just met you, but-"

"My sister and I, we- we don't have the same last name. I'm Luke Skywalker."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god dang it
> 
> i wanna delete this and just post it all as one thing but ,, i messed it up too much oh god
> 
> ah
> 
> yolo


	3. Chapter 3

Hana gasped. "Skywalker? You- you'e the kid?"

"What-"

"Luke, I- my- Padme, your mom-"

"What about her? Do you know something about her? What's going on?"

"Oh, God," Hana whispered. "Padme couldn't produce any eggs, so Anakin- your father- he *potato*ed me and got me pregnant, but he stole the fertilized egg while I was asleep, and the next thing I new, he called me on his phone to say that he'd placed it inside of her, and it was- oh, God- my baby-"

"Are you telling me that I'm your *potato*ing son?"

Hana choked back a sob. "Yes," she whispered.

Luke cringed. "I just- I just *potato*ed my mom-"

"It's not that bad, sweetie-"

"No, it is. I really was a virgin."

Hana groaned. "Your virginity was broken by your own mother. Oh- oh, baby, I'm so sorry-"

Luke shook his head. "Just- forget about it." He paused. "Did- did you, uh, like it, though?"

"What?"

"Did you like it?"

"I- maybe a little-"

Luke nodded slowly. "I think I did, too," he said.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So-"

Suddenly, the doors to the ship were blasted open. Darth Vader strolled in. "Family... bonding... night..."

The doors to the shuttle swung shut with a loud clicking noise. They were locked in. "Family bonding?" Luke asked weakly.

Darth Vader pulled out a pair of handcuffs. "Family bonding night," he panted.

Luke and Hana exchanged looks. "No," Hana hissed.

"Yes," Darth Vader said.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

Darth Vader threw his hands into the air. "Come on, does no one know how to have fun anymore? So I stole your undeveloped fetus, no big deal! Don't cry over spilled milk, Hana! Grow up!"

Hana scowled. "Make me," she hissed.

"Is that a challenge?"

"I- oh, god, yes." 

Something strange overcame Hana and Luke. They began *potato*ing Darth Vader. "So good!" Darth Vader screamed. "You need to turn bad! Come to the dark side!"

Suddenly, he pulled out a lightsaber and beheaded Hana. 

"No!" Luke shouted. Then, he had a thought. "Where'd Leia go?"

Darth Vader laughed. "I've already killed her," he said.

"Frick you!"

"You wish, son. You wish."

Darth Vader then beheaded Luke. Chewbacca ran into the room. "WAUTUHSAUHSAOUHVOISUUGH!" he screamed. This meant, 'what the frick you little *potato*nugget i will literally end you omg why mom no this is not a phase XD XD XDDDDD'

As you can tell, this was a rough time for Chewbacca. Wookie puberty lasts a bit longer than human puberty.

"No!" cried Darth Vader as Chewbacca ripped off his head. 

Chewbacca moaned. His co-pilot was dead. Everyone was dead. He grabbed Darth Vader's lightsaber and stabbed himself with it.

If his only friend was dead, what reason did he have for living?


End file.
